New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
