The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.