she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore