I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.