if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
