my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
