I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
