someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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