I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
birth control should be required to get into college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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