that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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