Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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