people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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