Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
