Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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