cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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