Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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