I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
