If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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