We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
