I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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