Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
