How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
