you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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