plz talk dirty to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
