you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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