So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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