Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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