you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize