He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
