she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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