is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
