I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
