"it" just moved
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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