Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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