Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
