when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
