there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
