Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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