ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
