My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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