how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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