Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
