So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
