and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
