You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
