mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
