chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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