Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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