Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
