Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bring me that man meat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
