I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
