Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
