i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had to cum in my sink.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
