I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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