White coat. Heels.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
