We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
