you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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