she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Duck Duck Cougar?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
