If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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