Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
