There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
