Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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