I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
