ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants