She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.