I think I won the penis lottery.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
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just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...