i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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