just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
