I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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