i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
