I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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