Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
