did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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