I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
