i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
