Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
