just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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