You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize