We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
